WHAT HAPPENED TO THE WEDDINGS?

Once Upon A Long Time Ago, When I Was A Little Girl, And Wants Were Simple:

"If I Had Three Wishes, This Is What they'd be, Jack In The Box, A Ragged Doll, And A Tall Green Christmas Tree.  If They Could Be Granted, I'd Never Ask For More, With Three Such Perfect
Wishes, What Would I Do With Four. To Wake Up Christmas Morning, And Find Awaiting Me, My Three Most Perfect Wishes, How Happy I Would Be"!

It's Halloween, as I sit in the funeral parlor, on the hard wooden bench, I see the mourners piling in.  The lines of life, reflected on their faces, depicting their life stories.  This a fourth friend who's child lost their life, way too soon.  A bad car accident.  I can't, and won't even try to imagine, the horror they are feeling.  I thought children, were supposed to out live, their parents.   It's futile, to try and understand why, this could happen.  What makes it even harder for me, is two weeks earlier my hubby, and I ran into our friend, and her son, while eating breakfast.  They came over, and we spoke, and laughed.  Now, we will never speak to him again.

When my daddy (RIP), died, as I rode in the back seat of the limo, I watched the cars pass by, filled with people going about their normal day, like nothing happened.  As I fought back my tears, I wanted to scream out, stop, can't you feel my pain.  How can you, all of you, act as if nothing happened?  But we do pick up the pieces, and go on.  We have to, there are no other options.

Life for me now, is more precious then ever.  I appreciate the things, I never thought about before.  A laugh, has so much more meaning.  Friends, take the place of family members, that are gone.

Yes, as I sit on this hard bench, I pause my life, and reflect.  I miss those days of long ago, when wants were simple!    

THE CLOCK

Lying in bed, can't sleep, can't turn off my thoughts!

Have you ever turned off the distractions of life, to think, I mean really think about your life?  From the moment we are born, the clock starts ticking. In my Book Of Life, each new chapter illustrates a progression of my life.  A change, a growth, a maturity.  Tick Tock!

Have you ever driven down a busy street, looked in the cars around you, and wondered who those people were, and what their lives were like.  Tick Tock!

So many houses out there.  Sometimes I drive by and wonder, what is going on inside, and how are those people dealing with their issues of life.  Tick Tock!

There are so many Books Of Life in life, and yet we are not affected by them.  Tick Tock!

The world is so enormous and yet we are able to compartmentalize and focus on our small chasm of life.  How are we able to do this?  Tick Tock!

I just brought my dog in, it's 3:00 a.m. and I looked up at the trees, the moon, and the stars.  How beautiful a night it is.  Tick Tock!

Who am I? What is my purpose in life?  How are we able to function, to feel, to think?  We develop from infants into amazing beings, how is this possible?  Tick Tock!

We get so caught up living life, we rarely stop to think, until we stop to think, about our life.  Tick Tock!

Then one day you will wake up and wonder, where the years went.  How did it happen?  It was all just a blink.  Tick Tock!

If you give the mind to much freedom, it knows no bounds.  Where it takes you can be terrifying.    Tick Tock!

It's time to turn back on the distractions of life.  Tick Tock!

TICK TOCK, TICK TOCK, I HATE THE CLOCK!





  

MY IMAGINARY BUDDY

My life is My Mystery.
 
Have you ever had an Imaginary Buddy?  About a gazillion years ago, I believe I knew My Imaginary, Special, Magical, Buddy.  I believe he was sent to me for a purpose, in my present life.  I'm not quite sure why, but I do have theories.  I do believe in past lives.  I would never want to believe, my life could ever come to a total halt.

My Special Buddy inspires me.  He takes my mind to places, it has never been.  He teaches me.  He challenges me.  Yes, My Buddy is a male.  Interesting, but remember, he was sent to me, I had no say in the matter. Something in the Universe has pulled me to him.  We have a bond, that transcends all rational thought.  I am so thankful to have this experience, for however long it may last.  I wake up so happy, with no expectations.

For those of you who read my blogs, I have talked about different kinds of love.  There is nothing better then unconditional love, where you can totally be yourself, with no expectations, of or from anyone.

I don't, and probably never ever, will know you, and yet, I probably know you, better then people, I already know.

I don't understand any of this, and I probably never will, (and again, never say never).  You know what, I don't have to!   







      

I WASN'T GOING TO GET POLITICAL BUT...

So, I'm putting out "The Call Of Duty" for all Americans, to unite for our Nation's sake.  Notice how I didn't say Democrats or Republicans.  Aren't we all Americans first?  I hope so.  Our Country is at a Crossroads.  The violence has escalated to where people are dying, because of the level of hate, and diversity.  Is this what we really want?  I don't.  It must stop!

We cannot let the Socialist/Mob mentality of chaos, ruin all that is good in this Country.  If we join together, there are no limits to what this Country can achieve.  Don't we want that for our children?  Is this the environment they should grow up in?

There is no such thing as perfect.  There is no such thing as free lunches.  We will never satisfy everyone.  That is why, we have elections.  That is how we should show our discontent.  I don't understand any of it.

Our Country is on the right track.  To derail it now would be a travesty.  Do we really want our borders invaded.  Things have never been better.  I want emigration, but it must be done legally.  We must vet people coming into our Country.  We cannot afford to just open the doors, and let everyone in.  We must protect our safety, and our economical well being.  If you are not happy, you can change things, by changing the people in office, and by changing the laws.  That is why we vote.

We are not barbarians.  We must bring civility back!

ECLAIRS

I am my worst enemy.  I am always so hard on myself.  I love the stock market.  It is my passion.  The last two weeks have been brutal.  Because I lost a lot of money in the crash of the 1980's, it scares me, and I don't always react the way I should.  I probably should get out, but I am addicted.

The world we live in today freaks me out.  I am not used to all of the unrest.  I am normally a happy person, who loves life, and I look forward to each new day, and each new experience, that may come my way.  People intrigue me, but at this point in my life, I let very few in.  I am very particular.

As I reflect on my life, I realize how much I miss my family members, that are no longer here.  The holidays are rough.  When I was a child, weekends used to last forever.  There wasn't much to do back then.  Most places were closed on Sunday.  How I wish I could go back and relive those boring days.

One day, I woke up and wondered what happened.  I never used to think about life.  I was too busy living it.  The years went by in a blink.  My children are grown and live out of town.  I am lucky to have an amazing husband and a Pooh, that loves me up everyday.

There is a content and an unrest that are nondescript.  There is a maturity, wisdom and innocence that only comes with, dare I say age.  I am different, I have changed.  I feel I am, my better self.  I am so much more passionate.  I say what I feel. I feel so deeply. I feel blessed.  Things that used to bother me, mean nothing anymore.  New things bother me, that never used too.  I feel a special unity with the universe.  I feel things people would never understand.  I feel and experience things I don't understand.  Sometimes it scares me and I try and walk away, but I can't.  I think we all have psychic ability, but not all of us are tuned in.

For me I have learned there are various types of love.  There is the most special/sacred love and trust of your husband, wife or significant other.  There is the love of your family.  There is the love of your pet/Pooh.  There is the luv of a friend.  The luv of a Buddy.  Perhaps even, the luv of a stranger.  All love/luv is not the same.  Some people fear the word, and I feel sorry for them.  They spend their life closed, afraid to let themselves experience those pleasureful moments, someone new may bring.

When I was very young, I used to look in the mirror and go through this whole trip.  I would look at the person starring back and think, you're you, but who are you? Why am I here, how did I get here, and what is my purpose? It was a very intense trip, and I am glad I outgrew it.

I think you get to a point in your life where you question.  There is so much I don't understand.  There are so many questions, that will never be answered.  I always felt I would live forever.  Can't fathom anything else.

Perhaps one day My Peter Pan will come, and take me to Never Neverland!  In the meantime, when life gets to you, and you're feeling overwhelmed, the best solution is to eat an eclair.  It has to be baked the same day, filled with succulent cream, and topped with sweet thick chocolate!        



 

A Time Of Innocence

When you can no longer believe that dreams can and do come true, when you can no longer wish upon a star, when you can no longer get that happy ending, and live happily ever after, then....

#MeTooGoneWild
#NotMeToo

When you strip away all the happy, fun, imaginary, mystical, magical places, we go to in our minds, what do we have left?  What takes over?

When I was a child, I used to watch Romper Room.  Miss Nancy would say her "Romper, Bomper Stomper Boo, tell me, tell me, tell me do, magic mirror tell me today, did all my friends have fun at play?  Then she would name various children, she could see through that magical mirror. She was very convincing.  I believed she could really see them, and me.  Still wonder about that.

Then, there was The Millionaire, with John Beresford Tipton.  A million dollar check, in an envelope, would be dropped in your mailbox, anonymously.  OK, confession, I would go to our mailbox every now and then, to look for that check.  I believed it could, and hoped it would happen to me.  Confession, still looking.

Anybody remember Winky Dink And You?  Every child, sent away for their special kit.  The kit had a plastic screen, that stuck to the TV tube, with static electricity. They were the pioneers in interactive programming.  Crayons were used to draw pictures, on the screen.  Everyone watched, helped with the adventures and had fun.

It was a time of hope, a time of innocence. Today, I fear we have lost that time. Today we have division, fear, chaos and hate.  Today we have computers, that replace human socialization, and squash our ability to feel for one another, or just to feel at all.

What happens when a society becomes void of feelings?  Is it OK to ruin a family's life, just to advance your control, and power, over a Country?  Is it OK to fight with each other in the streets with no regard for human life?  Is it OK when #MeToo says we won't allow, and puts their own bad spin on everything that was good?  Is it OK to strip away our fairy tales, that as children, gave us the chance to hope, imagine and realize that dreams do come true?  Will children, ever be allowed to be children, and enjoy that period of hope, dreams and innocence?

Confession, I'll never grow up and will always believe in Peter Pan!  I refuse to lose My Inner Child!

REFLECTIONS

I write these posts for me.  No matter what any of you think, I love my family.  After all, you can't pick your family, so you play the hand you were dealt.  We are your normal/dysfunctional family.  I am the baby of the three M's.  Marty, Marilyn and Monye.  I don't remember a lot of my childhood, so I will try to site a few of the moments that stand out.   When I was in fifth grade I use to run away from school.  I waited for the crossing guard to leave, and off,  I would go.  I would run home and hide behind the red brick barbecue pit, situated on the red patio, shared with our neighbor.  Roofus, Doofus, Shufus, constructed our patio. I have no idea what his real name is.  He did a spectacular job.  I don't know why I did this, other then I hated school.  Needless to say, it drove my parents nuts.  When they got the call from school, I was on the lose again, they would come looking for me.  One time when I was behind the pit, an airplane broke the sound barrier, which scared the daylights  out of me, and I flew in the house.  I don't think I ran away after that.  They took me to the doctor, who told them I was perfectly normal, and that I probably needed a good spanking.  Spanking was acceptable back then. I never got spanked, I got spoiled.   Maybe that's what's wrong with this generation of no respect.  My Baba lived with us and we had a dog named Duke.  I was scared to death of him.  He was a biter.  Life was good.  Neighbors were good.  It was a time of innocence.  We had fun.

When the house went up for sale, my Baba had to go and live with my uncle, until our new house was built.  We had to move into a row house, and live with my paternal grandparents, in the meantime.  It was sad, I heard that years before we moved in, the toaster caught fire and burnt part of the house down.  My Great Grandmother, died in that fire.  She got caught in the upstairs bedroom, and couldn't get out in time.  I still get chills thinking about it.  This was not a happy time for me.  My Baba, who I loved and adored, had to move out, temporarily.  I didn't get along with my grandparents.  They favored my brother, and let's just say, were not very warm and loving to me.

One day my sister went to the drugstore with her girlfriend, and passed out.  She was in a coma for seventy two hours.  It was a very scary time.  The good news is she came out of it, but for me things changed.  They never did find out what happened.  One of those mysteries of life.  Needless to say, because of the uncertainty of the situation, and not knowing if it would happen again, everybody's attention was turned towards her.  My life was never the same after that.  I felt like the lost child.  No, I'm not feeling sorry for myself, it did happen and it did affect my life.

My sister was beautiful. She was second runner up in the Miss Maryland contest.  I was skinny, gawky and had no self esteem.  My sister was the wild child.  She was popular and had many dates.  I on the other hand didn't date until my high school prom.  Actually, I preferred hanging with girlfriends.  Do not feel sorry for me.  I was a late bloomer.  I am perfectly happy with the way I blossomed.

My older brother, is so important in my life.  He has always been there for me.  He helped me through many rough situations in my life.  When he was in his forties he had a major stroke.  I was devastated.   Why do bad things happen to good people?  Thank goodness he came through it.  That is all you need to know.  He calls me every morning at 10:00, after my stock show.  He is my rock.  I love him all the way up to the sky.

I must mention my sister- in- law/sister, Janice.  She was taken way to soon.  She died of cancer.  No one should go through, what she went through.  She never complained.  She was my angel.  I was blessed, to have had her in my life.  She only spoke kind words.  When I asked her what she would come back as, she said a star.  I have seen her.  She is the brightest star in heaven.  Rest In Peace, Janice,  you will always have, a special place in my heart.

My sweet mother-in-law, Bessie.  How lucky can I get.  My father-in-law Morris, what a kind, gentle, man, he was.  Morris died of cancer twenty two years ago.  Bessie lived alone until she was 90.  She took a fall, and we put her in the same Nursing Home as my mother.  They were roommates for a while, until they stopped getting along. We had to separate them.  Bessie (RIP), you showed me love and kindness, and I will love you forever.

As I think back, I realize how much my mother had on her plate.  She was married at eighteen.  Seems like every time my daddy came back from the war, she had another child.  I was a mistake.  One of those diaphragm, gone wrong babies.  I never felt the closeness, her and my sister had, and I regret that to this day.  After my daddy (RIP), died, my mother fell, pumping gas, and was thrown into major dementia.  She probably had beginning stages, before she fell, but we had no idea.  Anyway my hubby and I cleaned out her apartment.  We admitted her to a Nursing Home, after she left the hospital.  In the beginning, the Nursing Home was great, until it wasn't.  We were all like a family.  I went everyday. We even went to the New Year's Eve parties.  Jake was one of my favorites. I loved hearing about his life.  His mind was amazing, he was so sharp and funny.  He always had the best stories.  I was thinking of getting a bed and moving in.  It was hard for me to have a life.  I was totally absorbed in her life.  It was beyond sad, watching her deteriorate.  All she wanted was for me to stay and never leave.  I wrote a book.  It was called Betty And The Bear.  My neighbor/friend Robin did the pictures.  It was about a woman, who went to live in a Nursing Home.  She was really scared, but she had this bear, that would stay with her. When I put her to bed, I would give her the bear, and read her the short story.  I told her, she wouldn't have to be afraid anymore. The bear was there to take care of, and protect her, when I left.  She lived in the first Nursing Home for seven years..  New management came in, and it was a nightmare.  I had to move her out.  No need to go into particulars.  You can believe all the bad stories, you've heard about nursing homes.  I told my hubby, he had my permission to kill me, but never, ever, put me in a Nursing Home.  I moved her to another beautiful home in Ellicott City.  It was a definite upgrade.  They put her in a lock down unit.  That was hard.  She was there two more years until she died.  I was showing a house when I got the call.  My mother was in the hospital again, for a urinary tract infection, which she was prone to.  I said do I need to come now.  The doctor said no, you have time.  He told me he would call me, if I was needed.  I immediately left my client and sped home.  My hubby, needed to eat, so we did.  The doctor said I had time, no problem.  After dinner, I called my brother.  We went to pick him up, and on the way to the hospital, the doctor called.  He said, my mother, had passed away.  No, no, there must be a mistake.  I thought, you told me she had time.  I'm sorry he said, I had no idea this was going to happen.  I will never forgive myself, for not going right to that hospital.  I still cannot believe I was not there.  For nine years, I took care of her, and when she needed me most, I wasn't there.  I cannot stop the rain coming out of my eyes, so I will leave it here.

When you cannot take care of a loved one, and have to put them in a Nursing Home it is very difficult.  There are many emotions you go through.  Nursing Homes are needed, so I don't want to totally, discredit them.  Most people, from what I have been told, don't last nine years in a home.  There are some very dedicated people, that devote their time and love to the patients.  It is a very hard job.  I respect the good and dedicated people, that work in Nursing Homes.  However, there is a element of bad people, that work there, that are not nice to the patients.  I have no tolerance for them.  I have seen things, no one should ever see.  Yes, I have seen patients abused.  There is NO excuse for that kind of behavior.  I applaud the people, who treat their patients with the love and respect they deserve.

And so today I repent for my sins, can't think of any I had this year, and reflect on my life.  I spend so much time, caught up in living my life, I haven't really stopped to think about it.  Writing this blog has given me pause to do that.  When I was younger, it seemed like time stood still.  I remember, Sundays, used to never end.  There weren't as many options, back then.  Most places, closed on Sunday.  As the years went by, that changed.  With the expansion of commerce, more stores, malls, and the inner harbor, opened on Sunday.  As I got older, time seemed to speed up.  It was the weirdest thing, one day I woke up, and realized, I was no longer the newest tool in the shed.  When I first started selling real estate, I was the youngest in the office, and then in the blink of an eye, I wasn't the youngest anymore.  I have no idea how it happened.  I thought I would work forever and then one day, everything changed.  It wasn't the same.  It wasn't fun anymore.  Newer, young people came in, welcome electronics.  The personal touch and camaraderie disappeared.  It was all about the text.  I was lucky to have all of my family, until one day my luck ran out.  In the span of a couple years, I lost my daddy, my sister-in-law, my mother-in-law, and my mother.  All the shopping in the world, could not fill that void.  Nothing seemed quite as special anymore.  It gave me a whole new outlook on life.  Changed my priorities.  Things that used to matter, don't anymore.  Material things have lost importance to me.  I long for and miss the family, the love and personal touch, that was so meaningful to me.  All the, I wish I could have, perhaps I should have, why didn't I, are too late.  I can't sleep.  It's 4:00 in the morning,  I sit at my computer writing away.  I still have so much to be thankful for, and happy about, but at this moment I feel sad and alone.  I find the holidays the hardest.  What used to be a big family, celebrating together, at home, has shrunk to so small, we eat out.  It will never be the same.  Like I said in the beginning of this post, you deal with the hand, you're dealt.  I'm so thankful, for the people who are in my life now.  With the sadness comes a new appreciation, and openness, I have never felt before.  I have grown and changed from that gawky, low self esteem, skinny, little girl.  One correction, I will always be that little girl.  I refuse to grow up.

OK, I think that is enough reflection for one night.  I look forward to whatever new adventures are in store for me.  Until the next holiday, and the next reflection...

EYES

It is said "Eyes Are The Windows To The Soul".  I see your eyes, I feel your soul.  You smile on the outside, but your eyes tell a different story.  I see and feel a lonely emptiness.  I see a dark hole.  I feel your pain and sadness.  I want to help, I know I can't.

It troubles me.  I don't know why.
I feel your torment.  I don't know why.
I feel your pain.  I don't know why.

You, are unrelenting in your goal.
You, are selfless.
You, are so helpful.
You, are kind.
You, are so smart.
You, carry so much on your shoulders.
You, are such a good person.
You, are all about family.
You, are loving.

Know, you are lovable!
You deserve to be loved!

Who are you?
I don't know you.

You are "Dust In The Wind"!


 

THOUGHTS

Perhaps it's me.  I just don't find lewd remarks appropriate when we are being warned about a possible catastrophic hurricane, where most likely, people will lose there lives.  And yet the minute I heard, it will be very wet, I knew the obnoxious, would come out.  Did any of you feel anything for 9-11?  I doubt it.  I think about my days, and my children’s days in school, and I wonder how any of you would feel, if you or your child had been picked on, the way you pick on everything about him.  Some people might find your children as obnoxious as you find him.  He is somebody’s child too you know.  Have any of you ever met him?   Maybe it’s me.  I just hate mean.  Perhaps I am just sad today, because  a friend of mine lost her husband.  Seems like it always happens around the holidays.  Life is so short, it just seems a waste of time and energy to hurt people.  Does anyone remember how to be nice?  I am passionate about my country, not the person running it.  My daddy fought for this country, so when I fight, I fight for him, for his blood that was spilled to protect me, and my family.  I don’t fight to divide.  I fight to unite.

BABA

It's the middle of the night, my eyes pop open, and I started thinking of Jenny (RIP).  Baba lived with us and I was blessed to have been co raised by her.  A lot of you will never get the opportunity to have known a real Bubbe  Like the dinosaur, they have become extinct, and replaced by the Glam Ma, a more modern and updated version, due to plastic surgeons and injectables such as botox.  My Baba, was the most special woman in the world to me, and I will never forget her or how kind she was to everyone.  To know her was to immediately love her.  She never had a bad word to say about anyone.  To her everyone was beautiful.  She had a twin sister Anna (RIP).  The Sun did a newspaper article on them, pictures and all. My Baba always wore a house dress another extinct item.  Weight was never an issue, Bubbes didn't workout.  They were big and beautiful.  I debated whether to write this part, but this is how Bubbes were made.  My Baba's arms hung and so did everything else for that matter, but that's what made her even more lovable, like a big cuddly bear.  I think she is the person responsible for my passion and ability to love.  One night around 12:00 I awoke to some horrible noises.  My Baba was having trouble breathing, my mamma was crying and ran to call an ambulance.  I sat on my Baba's bed, telling her it would be OK shaking.  Then I went outside and waited for the ambulance with my distraught mother.  When we got to the hospital we were escorted into a private room. We were told my Baba didn't make it to the hospital.  I didn't understand what they were saying.  Why couldn't I see her.  Surely they were mistaken.  We all left in a fog, not realizing what had just happened.  I couldn't stop the uncontrollable tears and I don't think I ever will.  Words are not good or strong enough to express what I lost that night.  There will always be a sadness and a yearning for my Baba.  The woman who gave me so much and never asked for anything in return. The last time I visited her grave I went with my cousin.  I do believe people who have passed are still with us.  Just in another form.  While I was talking to her, my cousin was standing next to another tombstone. All of a sudden the tombstone my cousin was standing next to fell over.  Scared the living, out of us.  We didn't know what to do, so we tried to pick it up.  Have you ever tried to pick up a tombstone, don't.  It weighs a gazillion pounds. Anyway, we reported it, and they were going to take care of it.  I know she was there with me that day and she gave me a sign.  Thank you, thank you, thank G-d for you, the true wind beneath my wings!           

Daddy's Little Girl

When I was just a little girl, my daddy used to carry me up and down the street.  I was told he was so proud of me.  I always get melancholy around the holidays.  Unless you have lost a loved one, you have no idea what it feels like.  I have a brother and a sister, but I know I was his favorite.  My brother and sister probably think they were his favorite.

My daddy worked hard to support his family.  He and his brothers owned a towing company.  There was nothing he wouldn't do for us.  I used to sing, and he never missed a performance.  I used to see him standing outside before the shows smoking.  He was just as nervous as I was, maybe more.

It was a different time.  Neighbors used to sit outside in the summer while their children played hide and seek or some other game.  Nobody locked their doors, you didn't have to back then.  In the winter, Gwen, one of my neighbors used to make grilled cheese sandwiches and hot chocolate after we went ice-skating at the pond down the street.  I still remember how amazing those sandwiches were.

There were no cell phones, computers, or electronic games back then.  There were children to play with.  The Forest Theater, Crest, or the Ambassador theater were the places to be on the weekends and I'll never forget the Ben Franklin Five And Dime.  I used to buy my gold fishes there. They always used to jump out of the bowl.  So sad.  There were many toilet burials.

When I got older my daddy used to take me to school in his tow truck.  I made him drop me off down the block, because I didn't want to be seen in a tow truck.  I would give anything to ride in that tow truck one more time.

Sunday mornings were special in my house. Breakfast was always white fish, revelation, bagels, eggs and all the trimmings.  Best breakfast ever!  My daddy loved my children beyond words.  He couldn't have been a better Pop Pops.  I went to see him a couple days ago, before the holiday.  It's all so surreal.  I still can't believe he is gone.  Sometimes, I hope it is a nightmare and I will wake up and he will be there.

Happy New Year Daddy.  Rest In Peace.  I could go on, but you get the message. There are so many special memories.  Now there are so many if only I hads....

Tomatoes

While trying to figure out what I want to do with the next chapter of my life, my daughter suggested that I write a blog, so here I am.  We all have our book of life stories to tell.  I hope you like mine.  My life like every one's has had its ups and downs, but I wouldn't have changed any of it.  Through the good, the bad and the ugly, I feel it has made me the woman I am today.  

There is so much about me that has changed.  I feel so much more open and alive.  I appreciate every day, and love every new adventure and experience.  I feel so very blessed, and a strange excitement about life that is different.  There is a confidence about me I have never felt before. I hope you can follow my analogies and sometimes my subliminal messages.            

When my kidlings came to town for three weeks, they went to the Hair Salon with me.  While we were there, we met and chatted with a nice YOUNG man, who had an adorable dog.  Before he left, he said he wanted to take me to dinner. I had to look around to see who he was talking to. I was shocked, and the first thing that came out of my mouth was, I'm married.  He said that's o.k., bring your husband.  I have no words.  Anyway, I gave him my number and my e-mail address. 

To make a long story short, he texted me, and we met yesterday for lunch.  It was a two and a half hour lunch.  We shared three dishes, and we each got a Berger cookie sundae with two huge scoops of ice-cream and a selection of berries. Don't worry, I had them hold the whipped cream. 

It was so special to hear the amazing life story of this kind stranger.  We talked about everything, including the fact that his favorite tomato was an heirloom.  When the check came, he would not let me pay.  He said, "I invited you!"  Again, I have no words.  We said goodbye, and when I got home there was a text thanking me, for having lunch with him!  Out of all of the beautiful YOUNG (there's that word again) girls in the world, he chose me.  How special to get a break from all the hate and division in the world.  How nice to spend a moment, just one moment in time with a stranger, enjoying a special conversation.

I started thinking about tomatoes after our lunch.  First let me say, when I was a child, there was nothing better then a tomato sandwich.  Very fresh white bread, lots of Kraft mayonnaise, and sliced ripe, sweet tomatoes.  Heaven!  Tomatoes are a lot like people.  There is nothing better then a big, ripe, juicy, sweet, succulent, full-bodied (oh, sorry, that's wine, got carried away) tomato.  But sometimes tomatoes can be deceiving, like people.  They can look so good on the outside, but once you take a bite they can be mushy, or even rotten.  I discard the rotten ones.  But when you find that special tomato, there is nothing like it.  Make sure you enjoy that tomato, because really good tomatoes are rare, hard to find, and oh so flavorful!

America So Beautiful

I speak for the men and women all over this land who can't or won't speak for themselves.  I speak for the men and women who fought and are still fighting for my freedom. And I speak for the men and the women who gave their lives fighting for this land and now rest in the land.  I speak.

I'm sad and troubled at the deterioration going on in my country.  It's one thing to fight external circumstances we cannot control from outside the country, it's totally different to destroy a country from within. I speak as an American who loves her country as I have always known it to be and cannot believe what I see taking place.

Tearing down statues, the history of this country, which made our country great, one statue at a time, goes beyond anything I could have ever imagined. The disrespect of a sitting President who was duly elected by the majority of the citizens is unacceptable.

The President is bullied and vilified everyday. Why?  Can someone please explain this to me?  I don't care what he says, I watched what he has accomplished.  His actions speak much louder then his words.  He has worked non stop for "We The People", so why such hate and division?

Why would you want liberal/socialism.  Free, what does that mean?  Nothing is free.  Someone has to pay for it.  Open borders, and a lawless country.  Is that what appeals to you? Pelosi calls money in your pocket Crumbs, would you rather have higher taxes?  More government control, really.  Back to strangulation/regulations.  Could the economy be any better?  There are more jobs now then people to fill them.  Building up the military which Obama tore down.  Standing with Israel.  Acknowledging and taking care of our Vets who were totally ignored in the last administration.  Most important, we are finally putting America first and making America great!  According to Cuomo America has never been great.  Really, are these the people and the party you want running this country?  Why?

As far as I know, nobody is squeaky clean, including me.  Elizabeth Pocahontas Warren with her leaning more and more to left/socialist agenda, "We need judges to be advocates of progressive laws, not people who will bow to the whims of the Constitution, pitting it's extremist values of freedom of speech and freedom of religion against our agenda", she said it's sad what happened to Mollie Tibbetts, but what about the children that are separated from their parents at the border.  Really Lizzy, I care about American citizens, I really don't care about the illegals trying to come here.  Kate and Mollie are permanently separated from their families.  Corey Booker now allegedly accused by his girlfriend as an abuser, "We're sick and tired of the Constitution sitting in the National Archives, manipulating everything we do". Chucky Schumer, "These right-wing judges don't think for themselves, they just do whatever the Constitution says, and it's time for that to end"!  You can't make this stuff up.

I implore you to vote in these mid terms elections.  Do not take anything for granted.  If we lose the house this country will never be the same.  We cannot let this happen. Nobody ever thought Donald Trump would win.  If you listen to the hype of the media the libs have already won.  Don't listen.  Please, please, please, for all those great men and women gave their lives for our great Country and are still giving their lives for you and me get out and VOTE!

Baby Girl, Pooh!

What can I say, a couple of days ago Baby Girl became a woman.  I have never had a female dog.  All my previous dogs were male.  I was so in love with my previous Baby Boy, that when he died I could not get over it.  I have lost pets before, but this was different.  I could see how a person could die from a broken heart.  I had never felt such pain and emptiness, as crazy as it sounds.  We had a very special bond, like nothing I had ever experienced.  After months of feeling empty I decided to get another Baby.

First we went to the shelters to look, but I could not find that special connection.  I wasn’t feeling it.  Next we went to the farm and there she was.  Foxy Roxy, stole my heart.  I never had such a loving, licking baby.  No one will ever take Pickles place but Roxy is a lover.

Sorry, I do tend to drift off point.  Anyway it was time to explain the birds and the squirrels to Baby Girl.  She couldn’t understand the changes her body was going through and why she had to wear a diaper and panties.  She follows me around with a strange look on her face.  Hopefully two weeks will go by quickly.  I’m glad I have ten mops from the Dollar Store.  People look at me like I am crazy when I walk out with so many.  I had to tell one woman who questioned me I am germ phobic.

So here I go again.  I am getting so attached,  I hate leaving her.  She is at the window watching me when I leave, and at the door waiting for me to come home.  She’s my beautiful pet, oh how lucky can you get!

Nightmares

I like when my sleep is calm like the ocean. I don't like choppy sleep.  Last night I fell asleep during the Greg Gutfeld Show. I took my Baby outside to do her business, and as we walked down the front steps, she darted away from me. She ran up the driveway into the street, and I charged after her in heavy pursuit.  I had my eye on her, and saw a huge bus flying down the street right in her path. I screamed and in a flash the bus hit her head on. I saw her face so clear and her little body annihilated. I could not stop screaming. It was all so real. My eyes popped open as wide as a deer in headlights and I lay there, frozen. Next to me, my hubby was sleeping peacefully, and I could not believe my screaming did not wake him.

My Baby Girl woke up, walked over to me and we had a licking, hugging fest for about five minutes. Is it possible? I mean does anyone know if dogs dream? Could she have had the same dream? I have heard her whimper and have seen her shake sometimes when she is sleeping. 

                                           

She walked to the end of the bed, chewed her toy for a while and fell asleep.  Of course my brain would not turn off, and it was only 1:10.  I felt like I had been sleeping forever, and yet I still had to get through the rest of the night. "I Couldn't Sleep At All Last Night", kept playing on the jukebox in my head. I must have dozed off because at 5:05, I was up again.  This time my baby came over and licked my fingers. It's very strange she didn't want to go outside. It's still so dark at that time of the morning. I feel so blessed that this was a nightmare and not reality, even though it seemed so real at the time. 

*Note to self, never, ever drink McDonald's Mocha Frappe after 12 noon!   

Much Ado About Everything

My beautiful Baby Girl loves to jump on the back of my knee, when she gets excited.  So yes it finally happened, today was physical therapy.  So now I have to learn how to walk different from what I'm used to.

Then the retina specialist.  A couple of years ago I had a vitriol detachment. So, once a year I get my eyes checked out. Sidenote, clean teeth every 3 months. I'm very well manicured. Oh yes, manicures, definitely. OK, back to my story.  I had a 1:00 appointment. I made the first appointment after lunch so I wouldn't have to wait, patience, I have none.  They did the scan and the drops, then informed me the doctor was in emergency surgery.  I get that, but it would have been nice if I they had told me when I walked in.  I walked up to the desk and told the receptionist with an attitude, (the biatch), I was leaving.  She said you know when you come here you have to be prepared to wait an hour to an hour and a half.  Really, biting my tongue, nobody ever told me that.  He could be another hour or two I said, I'm not waiting.  He has already been there an hour and a half, she snarled.  Grinding my tongue, I said they raised the rates on parking and I am not going to pay to sit here, I said.  First half hour free, but nobody is ever there for a half hour, then $4 the next hour up to a gazillion dollars after that.  I wonder if he gets a kickback from parking.  Just kidding/not. You know my time is worth as much as his.  These doctors with an ego just don't make it with me. She tried to make another appointment and I said I'll call you.  Hope she doesn't hold her breath waiting for that call!


I am so in love with my Baby Girl!  Just sayin!  She is a licker and I am a kisser and hugger. The last couple of weeks she started having poop problems.  Can I just say, there is nothing better then stepping in soft, squishy poop while wearing your tennis shoes.  It gets in the grooves and good luck getting it out.  So much for those shoes.  I lied the next best thing is stepping in poop in your socks.  Now that is the piece de resistance. It feels like nothing else you can imagine.  You have to experience it, to get the true picture. It amazes me, that my feet seem to find poop no matter where it is. It's a lot of fun getting up two to three times a night to take her out.  I thought it was the food so I started boiling chicken with rice.  I don't even cook for my hubby.  Well that didn't work.  I didn't take her to the vet right away because she was acting fine and eating like a chimp, I mean champ. So yes, she has a bowel infection and is on an antibiotic. And yes, I just bought more chicken and I am making her chicken and rice soup.  Probably will be forever.  And yes, I am so crazy about her, I don't know if we will ever be able to go to the once a week jaunt to the beach.  Separation anxiety, bites!

Has anyone been to the movies lately?  We went yesterday and tried to use my Movie Pass.  There weren't any films playing that I could use it at, so I came home and cancelled it.  It was good up until that point, but they have made all these new changes, not good ones.  I'm out.  Then you have to go to the computer and order your ticket, and reserve the seat you want. I felt like I was living the movie we went to see, Mission Impossible. I have to say, the renovations are great. The reclining seats, the freezing air conditioning, but no worries you just turn on the heater.  Heaven!  The fun part was when my Hubby kept poking me because I kept falling asleep.  Not my fault.  Maybe they made it a little too comfortable!

That's it for now.  Gotta go, hubby just informed me, I got a package.  It's my inside out umbrella, very cute.  Yes, I love to shop. Love bargains. Never pay full price. After all, I do have to support one of my stocks which does nothing, I have had it for years, Groupon!  Check them out.  They have good sales and restaurant coupons.

House Of Pleasure

When I was in high school, I tried out and got a part in The Skin Of Our Teeth, under the direction of my friend, the late, great Howard Ashman, (RIP). Chris who played the french maid was so stiff and straight, Howard thought it would be a good idea to go to a Strip Club so Chris could get some pointers.  John, Chris, Howard & yours truly went to the Gaiety in downtown Baltimore on the famous block.  OMG, Oh What A Night!  My expectations were deflated as fast as a helium balloon stuck by a pin. The women were older and heavy and not at all what I expected.  If I can rock a garter belt, hose, g string, boots and a whip better then what I was watching, what was the point?  Anyway, it was a night I will never forget.  Still don't know how we got in being under age.

House Of Pleasure #2:  A couple of years ago, after my birthday lunch at Tio Pepe's, I dragged my girlfriend to Scores. She didn't want to go.  I had always been curious to see Scores since Howard Stern always talks about it.  That's what a little too much Sangria will do to me. So we walked in, were seated on a sofa when a nice girl came over and started chatting with us, while the girl on the pole did her twirls. My girlfriend was so rude, I have no idea why and she dragged me out of there.  I was having a wonderful time.

Today Scores:  My brother's birthday is Sunday, and I wanted to get him something special. OK, lunch and a lap dance at Scores. We walked in, and it was so dark, I tripped down the step before I even got in.  Stupid place for a step. I have to say the girls were a lot prettier than I remember, but the best part for me, was the half pound Angus burger with fries well done, no salt. I could do a mean bump and grind and rock that pole with more class than what I was watching.  "You Gotta Get a Gimmick if you want to get ahead"!  It comes with maturity. "I'm electrifying I'm not even trying, I never had to sweat to get paid." Oh sorry, got carried away. Let me end by saying, what happens at Scores stays at Scores! 

Thoughts

As I walk towards my journey to death, my brain will not turn off.  Somewhere between Benjamin Button and Peter Pan, my theme song "I won't grow up, never grow up, never grow up, not me, not I"! You can take the girl out of theater but you can't take the theater out of the girl. I got divorced because I knew there had to be more to life.  And there was.  I have always felt blessed.  Usually got whatever I put my mind to getting.  Don't get me wrong, I had my share of shit, but always rose above it.  I'm extremely stubborn and very passionate. Goodness, I'm starting to sound like a candidate for match.com.  My last line should be, "come find me".  Just kidding.  As you all know, I've already been found.  I don't  know how or why my hubby puts up with my escapades.  Guess I finally found unconditional love. How lucky can you get. There are so many more adventures I want to have.  I have an amazing one coming up tomorrow.  Don't know if I can share it.  I'll have to think about it and see how it goes. When I was younger I was so closed and introverted.  I know,   hard to believe, but true.  Besides my thirties this is the best time of my life.  I feel free and open to do whatever I need to.  People are so nice.  Now that my hair is six different colors, everyday someone comes up to me and says "I love your hair"!  How amazing is that?  Now that I'm in referral, I'm trying to figure out what I want to do.  My daughter told me to write a blog, so here I am.  I appreciate all of you, so feel free to write in with anything you would like to talk about.  I don't like the title I picked for this blog, but I don't know how to change it.  I just like to go where ever my brain takes me. The best people are open people.  Stop being blocked and don't be afraid to experience new people.  You deserve good and the best.  You do not deserve to be beat on by anyone. Know you are the best of you. Regrets are a bitch.  Never regret!  Missed opportunities don't get a second chance! OK, OK, done!

Wisdom

I had a bucket list.  I tried so hard for a gazillion years to fulfill it.  I got part of it done, but it wasn't enough.  The bench just got too hard and I got tired of picking splinters out of my butt.  I have so many unanswered questions.  I feel blessed that I had such an amazing opportunity that went beyond the universe. I do believe people who have crossed over can come back and speak to me.  I felt a bond that was nothing like anything I had ever felt before.  It was magical and mystical.  I really felt I was meant to do this, I didn't give up.  But recently, I have felt really bad and sad that it will never happen. I would never want to impose myself on anyone.  I think there comes a time when you just have to say, I failed, I quit.  You can't make someone like you.  They either do or they don't!


#Iwouldn'thavemisseditfortheworld#yougottolearnhowtoholdemlearnwhentofoldem#ifnotinthisworldtheninthenext

The Gambler

"When we played our charade

  We were like children posing

  Playing at games

  Acting out names

  Guessing the parts we played

  Oh what a hit we made

  We came on next to closing

  Best on the bill, lovers until

  Love left the masquerade

  Fate seemed to pull the strings

  I turned and you were gone.

 While from the darkened wings

 The music box played on

 Sad little serenade

Song of my heart's composing

I hear it still

I always will

Best on the bill, charade"!

I worked in real estate, a commission job after my divorce, I had custody of my two children.  Times were not easy, but I knew there had to be more to life.  My greatest accomplishment was buying my house from my X.  I married young and was as green as they come.  The last of the virgins.  My friend fixed me up with what became my first relationship.  He helped me get a credit card which a divorced woman with no credit could not get.  He was very kind and was extremely good to me and my children.  After two years it was over.  No need to go into further details.

A coworker/friend fixed me up with, he who I shall name "The Gambler."  Let the games begin. On my first date he bought me three pairs of shoes and a color TV.  The shoes, to make me shorter (I was 5'5 1/2, he was about 5'8) and the TV, so he could watch and bet sports.  For two years I lived the life of Pretty Woman/Cinderella.  The jewelry, trips, money, getting picked up in a limo, well you get the picture were something I had never experienced.  The best part of the relationship for me was how we got along.  We were silly, almost childlike, laughed and had the best time.  I was Yunny and he was the Doctor.  Don't ask.  After about a year and a half I felt like I was on a roller coaster.  The highs kept getting higher but the lows got lower.  One night after an altercation he called at 11 o'clock and said he missed me and was coming over.  There was a snow blizzard outside and no cars were moving.  Sure enough at 12 o'clock there was a knock at the door.  He said he started to walk over, and flagged down a truck driver who he paid $100  for a ride to my house. You can't make this stuff up.  Both of us will never forget that night.  We had so many magical, amazing times I will never forget. I ended the relationship, but I will always have the memories.  No one can ever take memories away, unless you lose your mind.
Sometimes love just ain't enough!    

Cougar Forever

It never ceases to amaze me, how many young hotties hit on me.  Let me introduce you to bachelor (NOT) number 1:  the 40+ year old handsome attorney at the gym who just got married for a second time. He casually said he would love to just have 45 minutes with me, and that he loves watching me work out.

Presenting Bachelor #2: A young man at the hair salon said when my kids went back to Italy, he wanted to hang out with me and take me to either this new Italian or French Restaurant.  When I told him I was married, he said that's ok bring your husband.  Hilarious!

Bachelor #3: At the Real Estate Convention a man came up to me as I was walking by and told me I had a good, happy aura about myself that I was transmitting.  I asked if he was a psychic, and he said no.

When I was young these kinds of things never happened to me.  Of course back then I was shy and had no self confidence.  Never liked myself much.  As I let's say matured, we never use the o word, (that would be old), I blossomed and didn't give a shit about anything anymore.  Didn't care what people thought or if they were mean.  I love life and am so happy I get up everyday to face whatever life has to throw at me.  I must say men are my favorite.  Most women are snotty (bitchy).  There are a few exceptions.  I only let in the best of the best.

People don't like getting o-d, let's just say mature. I don't either.  I think I was switched at birth, so I really don't know my age.  I think young men appreciate the experience and maturity of a mature women.  They get bored with young fake girls who have no substance.  It's funny the older men like the young girls and the young men like the mature women.  I love flirting, but that is it.  I am as straight as an arrow, maybe straighter.  For the first time in my life, I feel I am at my best all around.  So, I don't let age bother me (that's a damn lie).  If I let you in my life feel privileged.  I am very selective. Some great strange things have happened to me but that will be saved for another time.  For now... power to the Cougar Forever!    

A Psychic Encounter

When my brother was 60 I gave him a surprise party.  I got a girl for a lap dance and something pushed me to have a psychic. It was a strong vibe that could not be ignored. I finally found a psychic. When we got to the party she read me first. She told me she would not normally do this at an event, but she felt I needed to know someone very close to me was going to die soon.

She finally figured out it was my father.  I grabbed my sister, told her, and then we both cried in the lobby.  Great way to start the party.  The next morning I awoke and called his doctor. I didn’t want to tell him why I needed to have him checked out, so I just said, “I really need you to give my daddy a thorough exam.” He asked me if I had had a dream, and I said yes. The tests indicated that my dad had a triple aneurism.  He went to the hospital where he had immediate surgery and a code blue was called. As the doctors charged to his room my heart sank. The good news is he made it.  He lived a few more years and eventually died from  bladder cancer. The doctor said if he had not come in when he had, he probably would not have made it, because it probably would have burst.  I believe G-d looked out for us.  That psychic was meant to save his life.  My father comes back to me every summer as a Monarch butterfly.
I will save that for another blog.

Dreams

Last night, I had my first sex dream. It was so intense and real that I woke up in a sweat. 

And then, reality hit.

The man in the dream was not my husband, who was snoring peacefully beside me.

Did I scream out another man's name in the middle of the night?

My only saving grace was that you can't pick your dreams, they just happen.

Yet the burning question remained...why was I dreaming of another man?